No!

A rain delay on the last, most important game of the Twins' season?  Not a good sign!

When Does the Wolves' Season Start?

Because I can't do this.  Gus Frerotte?  After two losses?  Look, I think Tavaris Jackson sucks too, but isn't this too drastic?  Garrard , Schaub, Delhomme and Palmer have similar numbers, sometimes even worse, way worse (I'm looking at you Carson, you son of a bitch.  Throw to Housh once in a fucking while), but they still have their jobs.  Garrard's been sacked 6 more times and has two more interceptions and somehow Jacksonville is still a contender... So Jackson can't turn a bunch of 5 yard outs and screens to the fullback into a victory and now we're stuck with this guy?

Is Jackson really the guy to get rid of here?  There must be some serious pressure from Zygi because he cut some pretty big checks in the off-season and this start is just horse shit.  Chilly has to be feeling it.  His kick-ass offense is kicking every Vikings fan in the nuts and he expects us to believe that Gus Frerotte is the answer?!  T Jack isn't the reason we lost to the Colts - the fucking predictible playcalling in the redzone was!  Dan Dierdorf, you half-retarded lump, we weren't booing T Jack, we were booing Childress.  You don't rape the Colts as thoroughly as we did and then walk into the tunnel with only 15 goddamn points!  I saw this loss coming as soon as Logwell lined up for field goal number 5.

Here's what Zygi has to see and what should cost Childress his job: even if we make a miracle run to an 10-6 record (we'd have to beat either Jacksonville, Tennessee, New Orleans or the Pack), we have no franchise quarterback.  Jackson is not the guy apparently.  Chilly's big 2nd round trade-up gamble didn't pay off and now Gus is in for the season.  We'll have another mid-round pick and we'll have to choose between sticking with Gus, developing J Booty, signing a free agent that can make us a contender or draft someone who can play right away.

The QB free agents out there are shitty.  Grossman.  Garcia.  Boller.  Losman.  Barf.  Somehow, none of these guys are upgrades over this:

Our other choice is to develop Booty, who I would buy a jersey of in a second but I don't think is ready to lead an NFL team, especially one run by Brad Childress.  Zygi didn't crack the checkbook this year to 'develop' anyone, either.  He shouldn't have the patience for that tired line from Chilly again.  So even though I'll watch and cringe and suffer through lots of this:

I'll be preparing to see this guy come out of the tunnel next year.  Praise Jesus.

Bringing Back the Geek

I love video games.  I grew up playing them, from the super old days of Number Crunchers on the old Apple IIes and Jumpman on 5 and 1/4 floppy disks on the old PC.  I always had a computer growing up and I used the hell out of it, especially in 5th grade through high school.  I was there for the Sierra games - Quest for Glory, Kings Quest, Robin Hood and the Lucasarts revolution - X-Wing, Day of the Tentacle, Monkey Island.. I could go on forever.  The problem with these guys is that they don't work on today's computers - the clock speed is too fast and Windows built-in DOS interface can't slow it down.  Luckily, there's DOSBox.  This little app lets me run any old school game I can find in a little DOS window with little to no problems!  I've got Day of the Tentacle already and I'm working on figuring out how to fire up Quest for Glory.  It can be a little complicated but if you're in to old games it's totally worth it!

I've only recently got into torrents - I didn't get it at first and never had the time to research, but now that I'm caught up it's pretty easy.  Through some torrent searching I've found my all-time favorite old-school PC game all fixed up for use on today's faster machines.  X-Com is back, baby!  I have been playing this game constantly since I rediscovered it and will make the switch here in a few days to the sequel - X-Com II, Terror from the Deep.  If you can get our there and find it, this game has everything a turned based-strategy needs, whether you prefer micro-managing or combat.  Dork out on this, I dare you.

Welcome to 2006, My Friends

Hey, look over there on the right. My friends Worm and Pat at Amazing Schlock started a blog last month which will give them something else to do besides delay putting "Sledgehammers at Dawn" out. Ha! Too inside...? You should check it out - they're big time movie writers and skit-makers that have had stuff on Funnyordie.com for a while. They also redid their website to make it a little more businessey and to showcase the work that people who could potentially give them money would care about. I do miss reading the bios of my high school friends, though.

Go over there, check out their genius and give them props. Like, hella props.

Who Needs Sleep When You've Got Baseball?

Last night's MLB All Star Game was one of the greatest baseball games I've ever seen. Holy crap, it was long, but after about the 5th inning it was pretty freaking exciting. I've watched MLB All Star games since the time of Kirby Puckett - I love watching the players, sure, but I mostly love watching how our small-market Twins (3-5) fit in with the likes of the rat-bastard Yankees (1-5).

Joe Mauer reaching down to unbuckle his ankle guard while the ump called a questionable strike two, getting back into his stance and immediately reaching down again and walking to first after another close pitch was classic. He was making the calls, dammit. I also like how Joe Mauer wasn't afraid to take a walk in the All Star game. It's like softball - all the big hitters would rather pop out to the shortstop than just take a walk and help the team.

The suspense was great, the multiple bases-loaded, end-game scenarios were exciting, and Dan Uggla's incompetence was embarrassing. These things I think will be said and said again. I don't think anyone will mention, however, that the guys that won and lost the game are not at all stars. Sure, they were on the team, but seriously. Dave already blogged about the disrespect the media gave our favorite Canadian home-run champ, but think about all of the other players out there and how little of a narrative there was for them.

Anyone staying up for the full game got to see five at-bats for Morneau, who hit twice, was walked once and incidentally scored the winning run. They got to see Russell Martin throw some serious heat to catch a speedy Kinsler stealing (another name that's been lost in the Josh Hamilton-mania, by the way). Clint Hurdle probably made a mistake putting Guzman in for Ramirez after only one at bat but Guzman got to show off his glove at 3rd base for the rest of the game. I was happy to see all of these players from small-market or less-covered teams get the national spotlight for such a huge chunk of the game.

By the end of the game, however, I wanted Joe Buck to go to bed. His complete hackery was apparent as he had absolutely nothing to say for any player out there after the front-liners besides "he's the second-to-last pitcher in the bullpen." Look at your goddamn media guide, dude. If Bert Blyleven can fill entire innings of Twins/Royals baseball by talking about some of the REAL no-names in the league, surely Joe can come up with something the say about Evan Longoria besides "he's a rookie." Jesus.

The Brewers Are Fucking Dicks

I count the Brewers as my second favorite team, behind of course the Twins. I was happy to see Corey Hart and his sunglasses that he wears at night get voted as the last fan-chosen addition to the All-Star team because he plays ball with a combination of power and speed that is really exciting.

But holy shit, the rest of the Brewers can fuck off.

He's up there at the post-game press conference with his cute little daughter, enjoying the moment, and then WOOSH, here comes the panic. Not only does this pack of mongoloids pour beer on a three year old girl but the douche-train plows the tables right in to her.

God, if Rickie Weeks and Bill Hall were as good at hitting for average as they are scaring children I would be ok with just handing the pennant to Ned Yost and saying "You know what? Let's just take the rest of the summer off and go to Lake Geneva." If I were Corey Hart I would celebrate by punching every one of those guys in the fucking nuts and dousing their wives and children with rubbing alcohol while laughing and lighting a fat cigar with a blowtorch.

So good job, Corey. Tell your teammates to eat a dick real fast.

Corey hart
by bsap11

Why It's Important To Be Nice To Government Workers

I work downtown. Unfortunately, part of working downtown is paying the meters. I usually park in a ramp but if I have to run errands during the day that just doesn't make sense, so sometimes I meter it. And I always lose track of time. So I get tickets.

Every time Jamie rides in my car she reminds me to pay those tickets but I never seem to have that at the top of my priority list.

At work today, leaning against the bar, I look out the window and see the little meter maid truck pull up behind my car. So I ran out and tried to see if he could maybe not write me a ticket and here, look, I have quarters. No, he said, very nicely, sorry. And by the way, I have to tow your car, you have too many unpaid tickets (six is the limit I guess).

Oh no! Well, he was very nice and apologetic about it and I have a hard time being mean to people who aren't mean to me, so I just had a little problem solving session with him to see if we could avoid a towing. In the end, no. No options. So I grabbed some stuff out of the car and went inside.

Some of the stuff I grabbed were the tickets, just in case I needed them. And I'm looking at the tickets and I remember - you can pay these on line! So I ran downstairs, paid my five parking tickets online, printed off the receipts and ran back upstairs to the guy waiting in his Geo Metro or whatever the government gives these poor bastards.

Here! Look! I just paid! Can you call off the tow truck? No, he said, but how about you just drive away and we'll call it even. So I ran back down into the dungeon of the bar and frantically tried to remember where I'd put my keys FIVE MINUTES AGO and after what seemed like forever but was probably 30 seconds I ran back out and there was the tow truck, just backing up with it's bed starting to go down.

I ran across the street, through traffic, dodging cars, yelling thank you at the meter maid guy and dove into the passenger side of my car, jumped in the drivers seat and peaced the fuck out of there.

I'm lucky I'm such a nice guy because if I cussed that dude out there's no WAY I'd be at home blogging right now but I would be stuck in the courthouse all day tomorrow and then have to deal with the beautiful people at the city impound lot and pay their garbage fees plus an overnight charge.

The moral of the story is, you were right Jamie and I should have paid those tickets a long time ago.