When Does the Wolves' Season Start?

Because I can't do this.  Gus Frerotte?  After two losses?  Look, I think Tavaris Jackson sucks too, but isn't this too drastic?  Garrard , Schaub, Delhomme and Palmer have similar numbers, sometimes even worse, way worse (I'm looking at you Carson, you son of a bitch.  Throw to Housh once in a fucking while), but they still have their jobs.  Garrard's been sacked 6 more times and has two more interceptions and somehow Jacksonville is still a contender... So Jackson can't turn a bunch of 5 yard outs and screens to the fullback into a victory and now we're stuck with this guy?

Is Jackson really the guy to get rid of here?  There must be some serious pressure from Zygi because he cut some pretty big checks in the off-season and this start is just horse shit.  Chilly has to be feeling it.  His kick-ass offense is kicking every Vikings fan in the nuts and he expects us to believe that Gus Frerotte is the answer?!  T Jack isn't the reason we lost to the Colts - the fucking predictible playcalling in the redzone was!  Dan Dierdorf, you half-retarded lump, we weren't booing T Jack, we were booing Childress.  You don't rape the Colts as thoroughly as we did and then walk into the tunnel with only 15 goddamn points!  I saw this loss coming as soon as Logwell lined up for field goal number 5.

Here's what Zygi has to see and what should cost Childress his job: even if we make a miracle run to an 10-6 record (we'd have to beat either Jacksonville, Tennessee, New Orleans or the Pack), we have no franchise quarterback.  Jackson is not the guy apparently.  Chilly's big 2nd round trade-up gamble didn't pay off and now Gus is in for the season.  We'll have another mid-round pick and we'll have to choose between sticking with Gus, developing J Booty, signing a free agent that can make us a contender or draft someone who can play right away.

The QB free agents out there are shitty.  Grossman.  Garcia.  Boller.  Losman.  Barf.  Somehow, none of these guys are upgrades over this:

Our other choice is to develop Booty, who I would buy a jersey of in a second but I don't think is ready to lead an NFL team, especially one run by Brad Childress.  Zygi didn't crack the checkbook this year to 'develop' anyone, either.  He shouldn't have the patience for that tired line from Chilly again.  So even though I'll watch and cringe and suffer through lots of this:

I'll be preparing to see this guy come out of the tunnel next year.  Praise Jesus.

My Ultimate Fantasy

In an amazing show of sports genius I have managed to make the finals in BOTH of my fantasy football leagues. I squeaked one out against the low seed in a weird two game playoff (I know! F'ed up!) thanks to the amazing play of the Bucs defense and my wide receiver corps of Colston and Andre Johnson. In my money league I was the only person in the country that didn't benefit from Brady and Romo's craphole week - I whupped a powerhouse team including Sage Rosenfels and Roddy White with my own waiver wire juggernaut consisting of Davey Garrard and Aaron Stecker.

Not only am I guaranteed $300 but Ron Jaworski just called and asked me for some expert analysis. That's right bitches. I'm so confident, here's my lineup next week for each league for a Double Championship, Come-To-Your-Door-And-Give-A-Personal Asskicking:

ESPN (Free League):
QB: P. Manning
RB1: Jacobs
RB2: Barber
RB/WR: LenDale White
WR1: Andre Johnson
WR2: Colston
TE: Cooley
K: Bironas
DST: Buccaneers

CBS ($600 champion, $300 2nd place)
QB: Garrard
RB1: Barber
RB2: Stecker
WR1: Braylon Edwards
WR2: Gonzalez
TE: Gates
K: Dawson
DST: Chargers

I have a good shot with my ESPN and an outside shot at my CBS league. I will update you as I continue to dominate.

Tim Tebow Thanks You

"Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thank Jesus. Thank you. Thanks..."

"Holy shit Tim, you just won the Heisman Trophy! Nobody told me I'd actually win this thing! What should I say?! Ok, stay calm, get up, shake hands with your new friends. Playing XBox was fun, we should to that more.

"Chase, hi, thanks. Thank you very mu - ok, yeah, let's hug. Mmm. Thanks. Did we just almost kiss? I'll have to talk to my pastor about that. Ok, Colt next. Thanks Colt, thank you so much. Shoot, which eye do I look in? I never know... oh crap, I almost forgot D.Mc. Darren, thanks. Thanks. I gotta go on stage. Jeepers, I hope Darren doesn't think I hugged him last because he's black. Crap.

"Ok, to the podium, shake hands, thank you, thank you. Wow. Ok. Whoo.

"Umm. Oh man. I'm blanking. Shucks. Umm...

"uhh... *wimper*"

"Crap! Terrible opening line! Try again.

"eehhh..."

"Double crap! Breathe! Heavier! Don't cry! That's better. Ok, make it seem like you had a speech ready... start easy, thank Jesus. Yes! And Mom and Dad! Yes! Who else? How long have I been talking? Three seconds?! Balls! Thank everyone you can think of! High school coach what's his name, the kid that helps me in calculus, that girl with the huge boobs I met that one day.

"Now how long have I been talking? That's it? Shit! Sorry Jesus. I mean, thank you Jesus. Again. Savior. Thank you.

"Haha, good, they're laughing! Jesus is always good for a smile. Ok, wrap it up. Umm, thanks again. Perfect! Whew. That was easy."