My Dream Concert Crumbling

All tour details for Blink 182's reunion tour have been released on Mark Hoppus' blog and this is turning into a sick practical joke.

As expected, Weezer and Fall Out Boy are splitting the tour's opening duties with Weezer taking over on a swing from the east coast across down through Ohio and Missouri and over to Cali. They're joined on this leg by Taking Back Sunday and at some point Asher Roth's broke ass will join up. Fall Out Boy will be with Blink most of the rest of the dates, except the opening date of the tour in Vegas, when they'll be joined by Motion City Soundtrack. They are, of course, my favorite band and Mark Hoppus produced their 2nd album Commit This To Memory. Other opening acts include All-American Rejects, something called Chester French and Panic At the Disco.

So, to recap, barf. All of the moving pieces of this tour have made it impossible to see these guys without sitting through a band that I hate. Of course the best date is the Vegas date and I sure as hell can't afford to go to that. If I go to the show at the Xcel I'll have to focus so intently on not cutting myself during Panic's set that it'll talk all of the fun out of ripping on the little punk kids. My best bet is to take a road trip to KC or St. Louis and catch a favorable combination of Blink, Weezer, Taking Back Sunday and that thing called Chester French.

Boo.

SHUT. THE. F. UP.

Per MFR, Blink 182 will be joined on their reunion tour by Fall Out Boy and Weezer!  This is the mutant fanboy-geek amalgam concert I've been praying for since 2003 when Take This To Your Grave came out.  My only beef is that Weezer shouldn't be opening for anyone.  Co-headlining with the Foo Fighters was ok since they're alt rock pioneers but opening for Blink 182?  Not ever.  No way.  Get real.

In the Event of The Zombie Apocalypse...

Eat dog food. Apparently most people can't tell the difference anyway. Honestly, some of the stuff we give Cheese and Hiro looks like it would be pretty good if I cooked it up.

What kills me about this test is not that only 1 in 6 people recognized that they were eating dog food but that they had to have some sort of angry reaction to that. "Um, this is dog food, assholes." Plus, for the other 5 people, did the scientists tell them after it was over?

Subject: "All of that shit was terrible!"

Scientist 1: "Well, it should be. It's fucking dog food."

Scientist 2: "Can you believe they ate that stuff?! Chumps!"

So I Probably Don't Need This Product...

But what a feeling, right?

So This Is Kind of Prejudiced + a Fun Rant

The Star Trib, my paper of choice, has an interesting article up on their site today.  I was drawn to it's headline - "Flu can't stop Cinco de Mayo."

That's the go get 'em attitude that writers like in us Mexicans.  Against all odds we're getting together to celebrate a major cultural holiday!  The pluck!  The nerve!  The tenacity in the face of certain death!  The massive amounts of hand sanitizer!  Good thing the 4th of July is still on, right?

If this was Kholrabi Day or the Raspberry Fesival or something this wouldn't even be a story but Oh My God the Mexicans are gathering en masse and who knows how mayn of them are newly arrived illegals so this is apparently amazing that Cinco wasn't cancelled?  Right.

Never mind that barely nine people may have been infected in MN and seven of those didn't need any sort of hospitalization.  Or that Mexico has experienced a whopping 3% fatlity rate from it and here in the old USA it's .5%.  Or that this "pandemic" hasn't affected anyone you know.  Or that if you ask your grandparents they could probably tell you about a real epidemic that affected their friends like polio.  For God's sake, there was hand sanitizer all over the Cystic Fibrosis walk this morning!  I didn't use any just to freak people out, but now I'm barfing and coughing up pig parts.  Psyche.

This might be a terrible thing to say and if I die from a horrible strain of  moose flu or some dumb bullshit I guess that's karma, but bring on the REAL epidemic.  Thin the herd.  Traffic sucks and I'm sick of ice shelves the size of Rhode Island falling into the ocean.