My Ultimate Fantasy

In an amazing show of sports genius I have managed to make the finals in BOTH of my fantasy football leagues. I squeaked one out against the low seed in a weird two game playoff (I know! F'ed up!) thanks to the amazing play of the Bucs defense and my wide receiver corps of Colston and Andre Johnson. In my money league I was the only person in the country that didn't benefit from Brady and Romo's craphole week - I whupped a powerhouse team including Sage Rosenfels and Roddy White with my own waiver wire juggernaut consisting of Davey Garrard and Aaron Stecker.

Not only am I guaranteed $300 but Ron Jaworski just called and asked me for some expert analysis. That's right bitches. I'm so confident, here's my lineup next week for each league for a Double Championship, Come-To-Your-Door-And-Give-A-Personal Asskicking:

ESPN (Free League):
QB: P. Manning
RB1: Jacobs
RB2: Barber
RB/WR: LenDale White
WR1: Andre Johnson
WR2: Colston
TE: Cooley
K: Bironas
DST: Buccaneers

CBS ($600 champion, $300 2nd place)
QB: Garrard
RB1: Barber
RB2: Stecker
WR1: Braylon Edwards
WR2: Gonzalez
TE: Gates
K: Dawson
DST: Chargers

I have a good shot with my ESPN and an outside shot at my CBS league. I will update you as I continue to dominate.

Tim Tebow Thanks You

"Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thank Jesus. Thank you. Thanks..."

"Holy shit Tim, you just won the Heisman Trophy! Nobody told me I'd actually win this thing! What should I say?! Ok, stay calm, get up, shake hands with your new friends. Playing XBox was fun, we should to that more.

"Chase, hi, thanks. Thank you very mu - ok, yeah, let's hug. Mmm. Thanks. Did we just almost kiss? I'll have to talk to my pastor about that. Ok, Colt next. Thanks Colt, thank you so much. Shoot, which eye do I look in? I never know... oh crap, I almost forgot D.Mc. Darren, thanks. Thanks. I gotta go on stage. Jeepers, I hope Darren doesn't think I hugged him last because he's black. Crap.

"Ok, to the podium, shake hands, thank you, thank you. Wow. Ok. Whoo.

"Umm. Oh man. I'm blanking. Shucks. Umm...

"uhh... *wimper*"

"Crap! Terrible opening line! Try again.

"eehhh..."

"Double crap! Breathe! Heavier! Don't cry! That's better. Ok, make it seem like you had a speech ready... start easy, thank Jesus. Yes! And Mom and Dad! Yes! Who else? How long have I been talking? Three seconds?! Balls! Thank everyone you can think of! High school coach what's his name, the kid that helps me in calculus, that girl with the huge boobs I met that one day.

"Now how long have I been talking? That's it? Shit! Sorry Jesus. I mean, thank you Jesus. Again. Savior. Thank you.

"Haha, good, they're laughing! Jesus is always good for a smile. Ok, wrap it up. Umm, thanks again. Perfect! Whew. That was easy."

Blogsplosion #1 - Yeah, it's about time

Can you believe that this spurned my blogsplosion? I saw an ad for toothbrushes from Oral B and I swear that the tag was "Isn't it time you got Oral?" Jesus, that's great!

Blogsplosion!!

It's been a LONG time since I've posted regularly. Get ready for the craziest few days of blog reading in your life!

Oh So Close to Perfect...

The family and I went to the Twins game last night. Even though they're pretty much done it's nice to hang with the parents and catch some baseball. It was a good time - eating corn outside, drinking some beers, making fun of Mike Redmond's "wide stance." Good times. It wasn't until about the 7th inning, after the Twins already had a comfortable lead, that I looked up at the scoreboard and realized that Scott Baker had a no-hitter going. To be honest, we were playing the Royals, so I wasn't really paying attention when they were up to bat.

I was excited that I would be witnessing a no-hitter here! I thought about the game a little and turned to the fans next to me. "Has he even walked anyone yet?" Nope. Scott Baker had a perfect game going into the seventh inning.

Well, me and the rest of the 15,000 people in attendance seemed to liven up a little and suddenly the 7th was over. Then in the eighth Scotty looked great. He wasn't even up to 100 pitches yet and he was still striking people out. This perfect game from a pitcher who last year was sent up and down, bouncing between AAA and the Twins was really happening.

The ninth started and everyone was into it. From our seats to the left and above home plate we had a tough time seeing the strike zone well, so I couldn't get too upset when Baker walked the lead-off batter in the ninth on some questionable balls. Perfect game shattered. Next the Royals pinch-hit Mike Sweeney for Tony Pena Jr. just to be dicks. Sweeney looped a single over 2nd base. No-hitter destroyed. All in the ninth. Crap.

Baker rallied and finished the game with a shut-out intact, but it'll be a while before I forget about the time I almost saw a Twins pitcher not named Johann go lights out and pitch a perfect game.

Complete Nonsense

But still funny.







Any explanation would be great.

Greatest. Show. Ever.

The Forecast rocking out

I warned you. You knew it was coming.

Jamie and I went to see Motion City Soundtrack tonight at the Varsity Theater in Dinkytown, Mpls.

Fuckin. A.

Like I mentioned in my last post, we missed The Forecast when we drove to Milwaukee last week. We did not miss these cats this time. They rocked so hard. The Forecast has a great sound thanks to their boy-girl duet thing that they have going on. I strongly urge everyone to check them out.

After The Forecast (yay) and before The Higher (boo) we were hanging out at the bar and I ran into Matt again (the bass player in the picture from Milwaukee). I just asked if their set would be pretty much the same and he said yeah, more or less, but hey, is there something I wanted to hear? Yes, I said. Red Dress. An excellent song.

Well, The Higher played and sucked like in Milwaukee but this time we had to hear the whole set. Bluh.

When Motion City hit the stage the crowd went nuts. Jamie and I managed to get right up to the front, like second people back. You could tell that these guys love playing in front of the hometown crowd. Their show was so high energy and so tight. They were playing everything as hard as ever - Justin broke three or four guitar strings, Jesse had an issue with his keyboard... these guys were going all out.

The set was pretty similar with a few notable differences. First, they replaced Mary Without Sound with a Tegan and Sara cover, You Wouldn't Like Me. The song is perfectly suited for MCS's style and they pulled it off perfectly. Second, their song This Is For Real was much, much better this time around. I don't know why I had such a bad impression of it the first time I'd heard it but I'm a believer now. Finally, their encore was two songs long. They played Perfect Teeth like last week but at the end they added...

...wait for it...

...Red Dress. They actually played my request! How great is that?

After the show Jamie and I were what we decided was 'wastesausted.' We lied on the cement floor in the corner and cooled off with a Premium and a bottle of water and when the crowd thinned we hit the lobby. The Forecast was sitting there so we sat down and shot the shit with Shannon a little bit and eavesdropped on one of the douche bags from The Higher try and pick up some 14 year old girls. I went around and collected autographs on my ticket stub and we went outside.

I'll admit, we kind of stalked MCS and followed them to the Dinkytowner. Jamie and I went back and played pool, had some pitchers of beer and we ended up sitting down with Matt from MCS and talking about their tour, his hometown of Richmond, their future plans and how annoying The Higher were. It was really nice of him to spend so much time with us considering they just finished an intense show at the end of a long tour. We told him we'd plan on seeing them in November at the Myth and got out of their hair.

All in all, we are so grateful for such a fun night and a great week. Thanks to The Forecast and Sherwood for good shows, but mostly thanks go out to Matt and Motion City Soundtrack for being so cool and open to hanging out with a couple of big fans and for rocking so hard.

Motion City in Milwaukee

My favorite band, Motion City Soundtrack, played a show at The Rave in Milwaukee last night with Sherwood, The Higher and The Forecast opening. Jamie and I had tickets for this show as soon as the dates were announced because there was no show announced for Minneapolis and I didn't want to miss them. So, road trip!

We left town a little late and missed The Forecast and The Higher, for the most part. What we did see of The Higher was not that impressive - a pretty typical teen-pop-punk band in the same vein as Boys Like Girls, who opened for MCS at Roy Wilkins in February. We were really impressed with Sherwood, a very melodic group similar to Mae that utilizes keyboards very effectively. A really moody yet upbeat set made me excited to check out their CDs.

The Motion City show, as expected, rocked. They opened strong and fast, only slowed down briefly and finished on a crowd favorite, working in a few new songs from their upcoming album. In case you're interested, here's the set list:

1. Capitol H - one of my favorite songs and one I hadn't heard them play the other two times I'd seen them.
2. Everything Is All Right - the 'single' from their last CD
3. No idea. I have never heard this song, and they said it was 'an old one.' This song rocked, though - hard and fast, just like their other early stuff.
4. Fell In Love Without You - a new song. Pretty solid.
5. Modern Chemistry - another favorite from their I Am the Movie disc.
6. Time Turned Fragile - a run of safe, well-liked songs from their Commit This to Memory disc begins in earnest.
7. Better Open the Door - I like this song because it mentions a few Minneapolis landmarks.
8. L.G. Fuad - Time to slow it down.
9. Mary Without Sound - a deep track from 'Movie,' I was surprised that they played this. Not the strongest song on the album.
10. This Is For Real - another new one, I hope it's not indicative of the slower songs on the new album.
11. Make Out Kids - a good song to start to pull out of the slower portion of the set
12. My Favorite Accident - still keeping it a little more chill but with a bit of a pop
13. Broken Heart - the new single. I really like this song - check out the video here.
14. Attractive Today - seemed like they were going to bring us in to the home stretch and start to really rock...
15. Hold Me Down - but instead go with one of their slowest songs. It's still one of my favorites, but to play it right near the end?
16. The Future Freaks Me Out - the crowd favorite. A sing along!
17.Encore - Perfect Teeth - another one of my favs from their first CD, I Am the Movie. A great end cap.

This night was great because after the show we went to a bar around the corner called the Harp and Shamrock. It was just a little dive but the bartender was really cool. He gave us five bucks to feed the kick-ass touch-screen jukebox and we got 2-for-1s for being at The Rave earlier. I played bar dice and won by the skin of my teeth four times, which meant four free shots. We went and grabbed some late-night grub and headed back to the car. Right across the street from The Rave we passed Justin (right) and Matt(left), the singer and bass player and I was able to get a picture with them. I don't know who that chick is, but she was next to us at the show and we called her Tats. I think she probably scored that night. Jamie and I were surprised at how short these dudes were.


So the night was one big high note. We're excited to hit the surprise Thursday MCS show that they recently announced on My Space. It's at the Varsity Theater and only $20. I highly recommend that everyone check it out!

Close Shave

The 35W bridge across the Mississippi River collapsed today at 6:15. The article says eight cars, but the latest reports say 30-50. That makes sense since it was still rush hour. I left work at 6:00 after having a beer and a shot. I take 35W home every day across that river on a route that takes 20-25 minutes.

A beer and a shot.

Cooler Than Lost? Yes.

I only say the above because movies, you know, end. If you guys haven't seen this trailer for the super-secret J.J. Abrams project codenamed Cloverfield your lives are apparently empty of the unfounded yet inexplicably real and newfound terror that a monster is probably one day going to destroy New York. Really, it could happen to any of us. Just look how the monster ruined that nice guy's going away party...

Got Beer?

Hey everyone, as my friends Anders and Jackie get ready to move to Pullman, WA they've started a new blog. I'll be a contributor, apparently to spice the thing up with tales of my exotic affairs around the world with women of all cultures. So as soon as that stuff happens you'll see it there first. I'm sure I'll also offer up beer news, drink ideas and general alcohol related and induced commentary. Alcohol - the formula for success!

Hey, Remember That Time We Locked You In a Dumpster?

Introducing Cheese, the coolest dog on this whole damned planet! We got him on Sunday and he is a flippin' genius. He already rings a bell to go to the bathroom and when I woke up last night I think I heard him reciting poetry. Plus yesterday he balanced my checkbook.

When I brought him to a Fat Tire event at Nicollet Island it also gave Gregoire an idea that we could buy cheap puppies and rent them out to guys to take to the park and meet girls. Of course, we wouldn't need that, but some of you losers out there would. 50 bucks for one afternoon of awkward conversation with girls out of your league? What a deal!

Khee-Khew-Khoo-Khoo-Khee--Khew-Khee!

Dudes. You all have to leave right now and go to see Transformers. So, so sweet. If you like explosions, or robots, or robots that make things explode, this movie is the one for you.

Right off the bat the movie grabs you by your puny organic face and starts shaking you around. As this Blackhawk helicopter lands at an air base in the desert and starts just messing all these fools up, you will be so pumped. The sound! When they transform they make that old school sound!

The movie lets you chill for a while until Bumblebee rumbles with Barricade, the cop car (even though I thought that Prowl was the cop car). Then just when you think things are going to jump off, though, they don't. Michael Bay waits until the last half hour of the movie to give you what you want: complete robotic mayhem.

I will admit it - I loved the Transformers cartoon when I was little and from what I'd seen of the movie I was really excited to see it. I could be biased. Jamie, on the other hand, had no idea what the hell Transformers were until she saw the movie and had never heard of the cartoon. She loved it, too. The effects are, of course, the centerpiece of the movie and they are awesome. My only complaint is that the transformations happen so fast and most of the little details, the little moving parts involved, are just implied. The highlights of the movie come when Bay kicks it into slow-mo to showcase the transforming, like when an Autobot leaps out of his carmode, spiraling to avoid rockets and returns fire as he ducks and weaves down a city street. Damn! So cool.

Perhaps the best and most frustrating news is that it is so open for a sequel. As Optimus Prime closes with a little monologue aimed at other Autobots scattered across the galaxy, asking them to join him in protecting our planet, I realized that some of the Decipticons lived. More robot fights on the horizon! Yes! Then I realized that I would have to wait years before I got to see a new Transformers movie. Crap!

Mascot

PumaSpeed.com has needed a mascot for a long time and Ben and Jen Hedrington just provided me one. One day Will is going to be a seven-foot tall conqueror who eats flaming rocks for breakfast and holds the fury of two suns in his fists, yet is as righteous and just as Jesus and as smooth as Sam Jackson. For now, he's the PumaSpeed.com mascot. Baby steps.

Poop

Lost: WTF.

My friend Dave recently beat me to the punch a wrote a post about the season finale of Lost. I've got my own thoughts on what I think has happened and will happen next year. If you haven't seen the last episode, you suck, but you might want to spend a quick two hours on ABC.com and catch up.

The craziest moment in TV history was when Jack met Kate near the airport and we realized that all of the flashbacks from this episode were "flashforwards" as the peeps have been calling them. I think that this is the time frame that the next season will take place in. As far as I can tell, here's some interesting shit that's gone down and some predictions:

1. Oceanic Airlines has given each of the passengers on 815 a golden ticket - unlimited flights anywhere at anytime. Jack uses this every week to fly across the Pacific hoping that his plane will crash back onto the island. He also is obsessed with mapping out the journeys - anything to help him figure out where the island is.


2. Jack is a wreck, feeling guilty about making the wrong choice to leave the island. This implies that between the phone call and the rescue we'll find out some sinister shit about the people that sent Naomi and that Ben was most likely right - they mean the island harm. Jack is guilty about leaving the island and the remaining inhabitants to a terrible fate.

3. Jack's dad is alive. This took a while to sink in, but while Jack was having his breakdown at the hospital he yelled at the chief of surgery to "go upstairs, get my dad, and if I'm drunker than him you can fire me." This jives with the scene where Jack finds his dad's coffin - empty.


4. We have not been introduced to who's in the coffin at the funeral parlor - yet. A new character will emerge that does something either incredibly stupid or totally vicious and pisses off the main characters. I think that it'll come at the moment when they realize that maybe leaving the island is a bad call, but this guy does something to seal the deal and off they go. Thanks to Lost Easter Eggs and Screen Caps for the ultra HD pic of the obituary that Jack's holding. Notice the the person's name starts with a J and ends with "antham," and that he was from New York.


When we see flashbacks of their last days on the island the picture will become clearer as to why it was so bad that they left. We'll also find out a little more about Jacob, focus a lot on Locke's point of view as he tries to save the island from corruption, and find out what's up with Walt showing up. I feel like there will be a new alliance of Ben, Locke, Walt and maybe Alex, Carl and Danielle to stop the damage to the island that these new people will cause.

Some way far out predictions. Hail Marys.

1) Life will suck for everyone now that they're off the island, driving them to go back and fix what they did by leaving and alerting some presumably evil dudes to it's presence.

2) Sun and Jin will be back in Korea, valuable to her father as he's an investor in the Dharma Initiative and they've finally found their island again after losing control of it so many years ago. They will be a driving force in uniting the survivors of 815 to get back and undo what's been going on.

3) Penny was just using her father's technology to find Desmond and it was a coincidence that her father also funded Dharma and therefore his equipment was tapped into it's systems. Her and Desmond will also play a part in getting people back.

It just sucks we'll have to wait until October to see if any of this is even close.

Netflix Reviews Vol. 2

AKIRAAAAA!

Volume 2 of my Netflix reviews is the scariest one yet - The Descent. Another of the new breed of horror movies, The Descent focuses on a trip that a bunch of girls make into the caves of North Carolina and the lovable sub-humans that they befriend while in said caverns. Well, not "befriend," but "are eaten by."

The movie opens to three friends white water rafting in an eight-man raft. Immediately I was terrified. "That is not safe," I said aloud. Luckily, the friends made it through the opening credits alive and I was relieved. What turned out not to be safe was the drive home, because the heroine's husband and daughter are killed in yet another tragic car accident that involves copper piping through the windshield.

After a lame nightmare/waking in the hospital sequence we flash to a year later, when the three women around last year are in the Appalachians ready to do some good old spelunking to, you know, wash away the tragedy of last year's extreme adventure. I do it all the time. Like my Grandpa Morales used to say, "Nothing like spelunking to stop you from feeling funky." Or something.

OK, so once we get into this cave and start taking bets on who's going to get mauled by the moleman first it's actually pretty nerve-wracking. Neil Marshall does a great job of capturing the claustrophobic atmosphere of crawling through caves miles under ground and the paranoia involved with operating in a pitch black setting. Once the morlocks come in to play it gets pretty mediocre. Thank God that standard caverning equipment involves so many ice picks or they would have been totally fucked.

I'll give this movie 2 out of 5 stars. It worked best when the focus of the viewer's terror wasn't the carnivorous Gollums running around but instead their own fear of tight places and the dark. It started to get pretty typical and un-scary when the scary monsters were introduced. That being said, I can't wait for The Descent 2: Molemen take Manhattan.

The End of An Era

Friends, it's my sad duty to inform you (all three of you) that the greatest Twins blog ever is done. Batgirl is retiring to spend more time with her brand new baby, plus she doesn't live in the Cities anymore and it's tough to get the Twinks on TV without a sizable investment.

Batgirl was my favorite way to catch up on the Twins if I missed a game or a series and could always be counted on to make me laugh if I was super pissed because Carlos Silva ate hole for five innings or because Travis Hafner lives to destroy the Twins.

I'm forever stuck calling Johan "The President," and Lew "Lew Fordwalker," and Mauer "The Chairman," and Nick Punto "Little Nicky Punto/LNP" and Mike Redmond "NBP (Naked Batting Practice)" and there are so many names for Morneau like "Dr. Neau" and you can always make reference to the Island of Dr. Morneau, and... damn that was a good blog.

If you've got nothing to do please browse the entries from key times last season, especially September and October (near the bottom) and understand how freaking great this blog was and marvel at how one woman with a career and a baby could have kept it up if it weren't for a deep-seeded love of the game of baseball. I said marvel, dammit!

I'm inspired by Batgirl's retirement. Look for more Twins posts here at Pumaspeed. Look for more posts in general. Honest.

SLOTHS!

Even though they go the opposite of Puma Speed, these sloths kick ass. While you're at it, check out The Lonely Island, the site of Andy Samberg and the guys who do all of the digital shorts for SNL, one of which I've already posted. They've got a movie coming out this summer and everything! It looks hil-goddamed-ass-bastard-larious!

Death of a Badass

Last week Marvel did some ridiculous shit and killed Captain America. He was nailed by a sniper. I've been meaning to write about this but haven't had any time. This is why I'm kinda pissed at Marvel right now.

So here's the deal - for the last year or so there's been an ongoing, universe-spanning storyline involving in fighting between two factions of Marvel superheroes. A "Civil War," if you will. This was an awesome idea that really could have had a serious impact on every character in the Marvel Universe. Basically, heroes were forced to either register their identities or be arrested after some younger heroes filming a reality show botched a villain fight and blew up a school.

This was great because some heroes you'd expect to stay straight went rogue, Captain America being one of them, and there was this cool showdown that was set up - Iron Man and his peeps vs. Cap and the rebels, who included Spider-Man, Daredevil, the Punisher, and pretty much every other marketable character, except the X-Men, who they wrote out because it's clear that the X-line of books is now almost completely autonomous save Wolverine's appearance in every title Marvel publishes. Well, they didn't write them out completely, but their storyline was so marginal and unnecessary that they should have. So it was clear which side the audience was supposed to root for. It was made interesting when Iron Man recruited villains to capture the rebel superheros, like Venom, Green Goblin, Bullseye, etc.

Well, the series played out and the climactic battle ended with Cap's side winning the fight against the pussy heroes and the villains, but then Cap realized that Oh my God, look and all the damage we're doing, we're not helping people, blah blah blah, and then he surrenders, basically throwing away a year's worth of posturing and drama in a matter of two panels. Oh, and all of those heroes that were fighting with Cap? Pardoned. Amnesty. Gay.

After all of these publishing delays and huge publicity and some really great scripts and art, we're left with everything pretty much the same except a little different. Now every state has it's own government sponsored hero team, which will be brought up only when convenient since the teams are made up up with brand new no-names or D-listers.

Follow me over here. There are two character rules that Marvel seems to have been adhering to since the Modern Age began. 1) Magneto is never really dead, and 2) Bucky is dead for real. Now Ed Brubaker, the writer who is on the Captain America book right now, has done some great things with it. He's turned Captain America around from cheeseball to ball-crushingly cool. He also broke what I thought was the cardinal rule of Marvel and destroyed any faith in the permanency of any storyline decision that Joe Quesada (Editor-In-Chief) allows. He brought back Bucky - Captain America's dead sidekick from WWII - as the Winter Soldier, an ex-KBG genetically enhanced cyborg amnesia victim who Cap had to rescue from the brink of evil and madness. This is a very cool way to bring back the only character who nobody has touched in over fifty years, but still a controversial decision and one I was willing to live with.

But now, NOW! two years later he decides to kill Marvel's flagship character and they say it's for real but they lost all credibility when they brought back Bucky and don't you see!? It's going to happen again. They're saying "Steve Rogers is dead," and they've already got teaser panels on their website that say "Is this the new Captain America?" and in another year or two when the new Captain America bombs and everyone hates him then Holy Shit! here comes Steve Rogers again to save the day and it's ok everyone I was just um... in stasis or frozen in ice again or in Jamaica or whatever.

This is all just crap filler to keep readership between the pathetic anticlimactic end to what could have been an industry changing event and World War Hulk, what should be just a gruesome bloodbath but will probably be a year-long fist fight between the Hulk and a bunch of pussies I'm not interested in anymore. And when all the dust settles and the Hulk gives everyone a big hug on Oprah and everything is the same as it was except maybe the Hulk is, I don't know... blue now, don't say I didn't warn you.

UPDATE: I can understand why nobody's commented on this. Jamie's statement tonight summed it up -

"Captain America died? When?"

...

"Who's Captain America?"

DOUBLE KICKASS UPDATE: HE'S RED! THE HULK IS FUCKING RED! AHAHAHA I CALLED IT, JOE QUESADA, YOU FUCKING CHUMP! GET SOME TALENT!

Rocking Your Socks Off

Well, I've had a good couple of weeks, mostly because of my new shameless addiction - Guitar Hero. Jamie and I picked up Guitar Hero II (w/ guitar controller, $79.99 @ Best Buy) and I proceeded to play almost non-stop for weeks. I've gotten through Hard, but can't beat a lot of the songs on Expert yet, so I've got some practicing to do.

The neat thing is that I've been talking about it constantly and my boss decided that it would be a great promo, so thanks to my Guitar Hero madness Majors is holding a contest every Wednesday at every store. I thought that I was pretty good but I am wrong! There are people out there who are just sick with the skills. They're like the stereotypical little Japanese kid who schools everyone at Dance Dance Revolution. It's crazy. I can only hope to rock as hard one day...

New Format Video

Hey dudes, check out the new video from The Format. The tune is "She Doesn't Get It" from their Dog Problems release. It's rad.

The Format - She Doesn't Get It

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Uh Oh...

I'm not worried about me because I remain, as I have been, a Friend of the Monkeys. It's the rest of you I'm worried about. What happens when they come for you? Think about it. Because they're coming.

I Hope You Can See This, Because I'm Doing It As Hard As I Can

People in Boston need to relax. Commuters freaked out when they saw these things all over town and called the fuzz. Typical. That's just the kind of terror that the Mooninites inflict upon their hapless victims. My favorite overreaction from the chumps at Boston City Hall:

"It's clear the intent was to get attention by causing fear and unrest that there was a bomb in that location."

At least the citizens of Boston understand what's going on and how ridiculous this is:

About a dozen fans gathered outside Charlestown District Court on Thursday morning with signs saying "1-31-07 Never Forget" and "Free Peter."

"We're the laughing stock," said Tracy O'Connor, 34.

"It's almost too easy to be a terrorist these days," said Jennifer Mason, 26. "You stick a box on a corner and you can shut down a city."

I only wish I had cable so I could see Adult Swim's reaction on the bumps. If you see any, post them in the comments!

Update: I even beat the Daily Kos to the punch on this one, but he's a much better writer so here's a link to his post.

The New Heroin

I have a horrible addiction. It's not destroying my life yet, but I'm sure it will. It's Lost. It rules. Jamie and I have knocked out the first season on Netflix and we're in trouble. We don't want to do anything else except sit on my new Lovesac (A Christmas present. So, so great.) and eat Jimmy Johns and drink wine and watch Lost and look at each other and go "What the hell's going on?"

What the hell IS going on? What's the deal with the polar bears? What's up with Ethan and how did he get that superhuman strength? How did Claire escape? What's down that hatch? But most of all, what in the hell is that "security system?" AND WHO WERE THOSE ASSHOLES THAT TOOK WALT?!!!

Don't answer any of that. Season Two comes in the mail today.

My Dream Come True. Seriously.

You have to know that above all of God's creatures I love monkeys the most. More than you. Almost more than me. So you can imagine the minute or two of complete rapture I experienced here when I got to hold them. It was well worth the five bucks. Because I planted hypnotic microchips in their fur and they will soon be making their way to Minnesota to be the first members of my monkey army. Or maybe my all-monkey punk band. We will also bring back ska.

Mexican Police are Badass...

...just like me!

This was in Playa Del Carmen over the Christmas week. That's my sister, her boyfriend Jimmy, me of course, and some Mexican cop. With an uzi. I didn't get to take a picture of the Mexican Naval Beach Patrol walking around with M16 and bily clubs at the ready, but trust me - they were awesome!

My New Whip

Yesterday I bought a new car! This is because I totaled my old Ford Explorer on the Thursday before Christmas in that first icy storm like a first year driver. I was pretty mad at myself considering I've driven through blizzards in Canada no problem. So I got my insurance cash, went looking and found a 99 Acura 3.2 TL.

This thing is tits. Leather, sunroof, heated seats, lasers, oil slicks... it's got everything. That insurance money really helped for the down payment and my monthlies are pretty low. So if you see me driving around town be sure to try not to crap your pants with total envy.