My Ultimate Fantasy

In an amazing show of sports genius I have managed to make the finals in BOTH of my fantasy football leagues. I squeaked one out against the low seed in a weird two game playoff (I know! F'ed up!) thanks to the amazing play of the Bucs defense and my wide receiver corps of Colston and Andre Johnson. In my money league I was the only person in the country that didn't benefit from Brady and Romo's craphole week - I whupped a powerhouse team including Sage Rosenfels and Roddy White with my own waiver wire juggernaut consisting of Davey Garrard and Aaron Stecker.

Not only am I guaranteed $300 but Ron Jaworski just called and asked me for some expert analysis. That's right bitches. I'm so confident, here's my lineup next week for each league for a Double Championship, Come-To-Your-Door-And-Give-A-Personal Asskicking:

ESPN (Free League):
QB: P. Manning
RB1: Jacobs
RB2: Barber
RB/WR: LenDale White
WR1: Andre Johnson
WR2: Colston
TE: Cooley
K: Bironas
DST: Buccaneers

CBS ($600 champion, $300 2nd place)
QB: Garrard
RB1: Barber
RB2: Stecker
WR1: Braylon Edwards
WR2: Gonzalez
TE: Gates
K: Dawson
DST: Chargers

I have a good shot with my ESPN and an outside shot at my CBS league. I will update you as I continue to dominate.

Tim Tebow Thanks You

"Thank you. Thanks. Thank you. Thank Jesus. Thank you. Thanks..."

"Holy shit Tim, you just won the Heisman Trophy! Nobody told me I'd actually win this thing! What should I say?! Ok, stay calm, get up, shake hands with your new friends. Playing XBox was fun, we should to that more.

"Chase, hi, thanks. Thank you very mu - ok, yeah, let's hug. Mmm. Thanks. Did we just almost kiss? I'll have to talk to my pastor about that. Ok, Colt next. Thanks Colt, thank you so much. Shoot, which eye do I look in? I never know... oh crap, I almost forgot D.Mc. Darren, thanks. Thanks. I gotta go on stage. Jeepers, I hope Darren doesn't think I hugged him last because he's black. Crap.

"Ok, to the podium, shake hands, thank you, thank you. Wow. Ok. Whoo.

"Umm. Oh man. I'm blanking. Shucks. Umm...

"uhh... *wimper*"

"Crap! Terrible opening line! Try again.

"eehhh..."

"Double crap! Breathe! Heavier! Don't cry! That's better. Ok, make it seem like you had a speech ready... start easy, thank Jesus. Yes! And Mom and Dad! Yes! Who else? How long have I been talking? Three seconds?! Balls! Thank everyone you can think of! High school coach what's his name, the kid that helps me in calculus, that girl with the huge boobs I met that one day.

"Now how long have I been talking? That's it? Shit! Sorry Jesus. I mean, thank you Jesus. Again. Savior. Thank you.

"Haha, good, they're laughing! Jesus is always good for a smile. Ok, wrap it up. Umm, thanks again. Perfect! Whew. That was easy."