11.20.2006
I'm on the fence...
This could be either super creepy and gross or really really really exactly what every guy's been waiting for since they saw her. Jamie's in the "no" camp, what side do y'all take? Comment!
11.09.2006
Britney Spears Is An American Avatar
Not too many people were on board with my A-Rod killed Cory Lidle theory, but hear me out on this one: Britney Spears is the modern allegory for the United States of America.
Remember back in the late nineties when everyone loved Britney? I do. People bought her albums even though she was pumping out the same teen pop that America has produced since the 50s. Every guy I knew wanted to at least just see her naked because, God, we gotta figure out what's up with those boobs. Not until she turned 18, though.
Remember back in the late nineties when everyone loved America? The only thing we had to worry about was if our President got a hummer or not from some college girl. That was great.
And now look what's happened - Britney/America fell off. Britney/America married some no-talent idiot who's done nothing but make her look terrible. The idiot has embarrassed her on a day-to-day basis, saying retarded shit on TV, hanging out with his punk friends and being an overall drain on her. Then, Britney/America had a life-changing experience. She got pregnant, we got attacked.
America pulled together. We wanted to fucking kill those guys, and dammit, Britney's gonna be the one to do it for us, we thought. And even though Britney's baby made her look like a mom now and nothing like the old Britney we wanted to see naked, we'd still be up for a little peep show in a pinch. We thought that with the baby around and the stakes high, the idiot she married would stop being such an idiot and own up to some responsibility.
Wrong. Wrongwrong wrong.
Instead of manning up and focusing on his kid, her husband got her pregnant again and now Britney/America had TWO kids on her hands and she was starting to look a little haggard. Like, gross. And he was still out there, partying with his punk friends like nothing was going on at home, like his wife hadn't lost her looks that made her rich and was now apparently doomed to a life of being non-stop barefoot and pregnant.
And then, to top it off, The President/K-Fed thought in the middle of all this that it would be a good idea to put out an album? Well, no one else thought that would be good, but Britney/America decided that she would pay for it. And the album dropped, and it sucked total balls, and Popozao/Stay the Course was not at all resembling anything that anyone ever wanted to hear.
Britney/America woke up recently, took a good long look around at her two kids/wars, at her idiot husband/President and his fuck-up friends and their extravagant lifestyle and decided that she'd had enough. She stopped eating Taco Bell, got off the couch and dropped like, 30 pounds in a month. She waited and waited, teasing K-Fed/the President with her new good looks, and I'm sure he thought "Oh, good, everything's looking great for me. I'm pretty good at this husband thing." The next thing he knows - BAM - divorce. One minute all of your friends are telling you how great of a job you're doing, the next minute you and you're friends are losing your asses on CNN. One minute you're shooting a day-in-the-life special for some Canadian MTV show, the next you're getting fuckin' stone cold dumped in a text message.
So Britney/America is cool now. She's still got those two kids that she's got to take care of, but she's looking good and is taking control of her own life, God bless her.
UPDATE: As soon as Britney started hanging out with Paris Hilton this argument lost all merit. Dammit.
**Thanks to What Would Tyler Durden Do, The Superficial, and CNN for the links**
Remember back in the late nineties when everyone loved Britney? I do. People bought her albums even though she was pumping out the same teen pop that America has produced since the 50s. Every guy I knew wanted to at least just see her naked because, God, we gotta figure out what's up with those boobs. Not until she turned 18, though.
Remember back in the late nineties when everyone loved America? The only thing we had to worry about was if our President got a hummer or not from some college girl. That was great.
And now look what's happened - Britney/America fell off. Britney/America married some no-talent idiot who's done nothing but make her look terrible. The idiot has embarrassed her on a day-to-day basis, saying retarded shit on TV, hanging out with his punk friends and being an overall drain on her. Then, Britney/America had a life-changing experience. She got pregnant, we got attacked.
America pulled together. We wanted to fucking kill those guys, and dammit, Britney's gonna be the one to do it for us, we thought. And even though Britney's baby made her look like a mom now and nothing like the old Britney we wanted to see naked, we'd still be up for a little peep show in a pinch. We thought that with the baby around and the stakes high, the idiot she married would stop being such an idiot and own up to some responsibility.
Wrong. Wrongwrong wrong.
Instead of manning up and focusing on his kid, her husband got her pregnant again and now Britney/America had TWO kids on her hands and she was starting to look a little haggard. Like, gross. And he was still out there, partying with his punk friends like nothing was going on at home, like his wife hadn't lost her looks that made her rich and was now apparently doomed to a life of being non-stop barefoot and pregnant.
And then, to top it off, The President/K-Fed thought in the middle of all this that it would be a good idea to put out an album? Well, no one else thought that would be good, but Britney/America decided that she would pay for it. And the album dropped, and it sucked total balls, and Popozao/Stay the Course was not at all resembling anything that anyone ever wanted to hear.
Britney/America woke up recently, took a good long look around at her two kids/wars, at her idiot husband/President and his fuck-up friends and their extravagant lifestyle and decided that she'd had enough. She stopped eating Taco Bell, got off the couch and dropped like, 30 pounds in a month. She waited and waited, teasing K-Fed/the President with her new good looks, and I'm sure he thought "Oh, good, everything's looking great for me. I'm pretty good at this husband thing." The next thing he knows - BAM - divorce. One minute all of your friends are telling you how great of a job you're doing, the next minute you and you're friends are losing your asses on CNN. One minute you're shooting a day-in-the-life special for some Canadian MTV show, the next you're getting fuckin' stone cold dumped in a text message.
So Britney/America is cool now. She's still got those two kids that she's got to take care of, but she's looking good and is taking control of her own life, God bless her.
UPDATE: As soon as Britney started hanging out with Paris Hilton this argument lost all merit. Dammit.
**Thanks to What Would Tyler Durden Do, The Superficial, and CNN for the links**
10.25.2006
The Greatest Internet Day Ever
Two things that I've just had to change my pants about:
1) Mozilla Firefox
Mozilla just updated their web browser, which some people think is way better than Microsoft's. It's awesome for a few little reasons that go a long way with me. First, multiple windows don't pile up on the bottom of the screen - there are tabs at the top of the browser that help you navigate your different pages. This is incredibly convenient. Second, it is infinitely customizable with so many hundreds of plug-ins available on it's website that do all sorts of stuff I don't understand. It downloaded all of my bookmarks, passwords and history to it as soon as I launched it, saving me tons of time. The list goes on... you all have to get it.
2) Pandora Internet Radio
This is what made me poop and pee in my pants about an hour ago. In Time this last week there was a little article about YouTube's buyout and what the next YouTube will be. There were a few cool examples in a little summary box, but what caught my eye was Pandora. Basically, it's an internet radio station that plays songs catered to your individual taste.
I went to the site and immediately it asked me for one of my favorite songs or bands. I put in Motion City Soundtrack and it started up with one of my favorite MCS songs. A little tab popped up to tell me about the basics of my music style that will be on this station. When the next song started (some Dishwalla song) the tab popped up again explaining why Pandora chose this song. You rate songs over and over again until you don't care anymore. It gets pretty in depth: "Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features hard rock roots, punk influences, a subtle use of vocal harmony, extensive vamping and mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation."
Wow. Everyone has to try this just for twenty minutes, it's so so so cool.
1) Mozilla Firefox
Mozilla just updated their web browser, which some people think is way better than Microsoft's. It's awesome for a few little reasons that go a long way with me. First, multiple windows don't pile up on the bottom of the screen - there are tabs at the top of the browser that help you navigate your different pages. This is incredibly convenient. Second, it is infinitely customizable with so many hundreds of plug-ins available on it's website that do all sorts of stuff I don't understand. It downloaded all of my bookmarks, passwords and history to it as soon as I launched it, saving me tons of time. The list goes on... you all have to get it.
2) Pandora Internet Radio
This is what made me poop and pee in my pants about an hour ago. In Time this last week there was a little article about YouTube's buyout and what the next YouTube will be. There were a few cool examples in a little summary box, but what caught my eye was Pandora. Basically, it's an internet radio station that plays songs catered to your individual taste.
I went to the site and immediately it asked me for one of my favorite songs or bands. I put in Motion City Soundtrack and it started up with one of my favorite MCS songs. A little tab popped up to tell me about the basics of my music style that will be on this station. When the next song started (some Dishwalla song) the tab popped up again explaining why Pandora chose this song. You rate songs over and over again until you don't care anymore. It gets pretty in depth: "Based on what you've told us so far, we're playing this track because it features hard rock roots, punk influences, a subtle use of vocal harmony, extensive vamping and mixed acoustic and electric instrumentation."
Wow. Everyone has to try this just for twenty minutes, it's so so so cool.
10.19.2006
Klobuchar v. Kennedy on Meet the Press
Tim Russert manages to spend 6 minutes not doing his job and Minnesota's senate candidates square off on national TV.
I mean seriously "What would you ask your opponent," followed by "What yould you ask your opponent?" I thought the interviewer was supposed to ask the questions? Slacker.
There are somehow alot of people that don't know who they're voting for yet - I thought the last month or so would sort of cement that.
Got six minutes? Watch the video.
I mean seriously "What would you ask your opponent," followed by "What yould you ask your opponent?" I thought the interviewer was supposed to ask the questions? Slacker.
There are somehow alot of people that don't know who they're voting for yet - I thought the last month or so would sort of cement that.
Got six minutes? Watch the video.
10.18.2006
Yee-haw!
I am not at all a country fan. I would rather listen to lots and lots and lots of stuff out there. But Shooter Jennings is the shit. I cannot now consider him country or be sucked into a paradoxial wormhole where I will meet an alternate version of myself as a girl and then help save the universe with her. Or me. Or whatever.
Jamie and I caught his show at the Cabooze on Friday night and it was sweet. The guy can rock - truly one of the first bands in a long time to play some real southern rock. If you feel like checking him out, here's the site!
Jamie and I caught his show at the Cabooze on Friday night and it was sweet. The guy can rock - truly one of the first bands in a long time to play some real southern rock. If you feel like checking him out, here's the site!
10.12.2006
Steven Colbert is a Warrior
10.11.2006
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